Since the end of 2020, I started writing letters to my future self to reflect on the year ahead. For my 2022 wrap-up, I’ll be answering and annotating my 2022 letter to get a better picture of how my year went.
Disclaimer: some questions and answers will be redacted or modified for privacy reasons.
Italics (except for media titles) indicate excerpts from my 2022 letter!
Hi, Ally from 2021! This is Ally from 2022 speaking on New Year’s Day. Thank you for your questions, and for doing well in 2021. As cliche as it sounds, the keyword for 2021 was transformation, seeing how you’ve gone through a lot of crucial changes this year. For 2022, I’ve decided that the word of the year is lucidity, the state of thinking clearly, especially amidst chaos and insanity.
More than anything, I want transparency, clarity, and organization. If less is more is the way to go, then so be it. For the past two years, things have been very messy and disorganized because of the sheer amount of things I’ve chosen to juggle. This year, I want to iron out and streamline everything as much as possible.
By the end of 2022, I hope to see and think more clearly, especially when it comes to matters of the self. I’ll now be making a yearly tradition of asking my future self questions at the start of the year. Here are the questions I have in mind for you to reflect on when you receive this at the end of 2022.
1. Have you lived out the theme of lucidity this year?
I’d like to say so! Of course, there are points of improvement, but I think intentionally working towards this state and a general presence of clarity has allowed me to reach that state.
How I’ve been able to live it out: I’m more certain of my aspirations, I’ve sought out and got closer to clarity in many aspects of my life, and I’ve been able to sort out my priorities to an extent, paving the way for clearness that feels transcendent in the midst of chaos! Lucidity :>
2. Were you able to [REDACTED, refers to a study-related opportunity] you’ve been thinking about since November 2021?
Nope, but something better might be coming along mid-2023?
3. Did you get to write as much as you hoped to this year? Editorial work, novel writing, anything else?
No novel work, but I’ve been able to write about gossip culture for one of the country’s biggest broadsheets, love in all-girls schools for the publication I’ve loved since high school, a concert of my favorite K-pop group I’ve attended for a stellar Asian media publication, and the return (or omnipresence) of skinny supremacy for my school publication. Also, I completed the Escapril challenge, where I wrote 30 poems across April. My answer should be clear!
4. Where have you contributed work, time, and energy to this year?
An internship from 2021 that lasted until August 2022, which is still one of my most fruitful and life-giving experiences.
Four organizations in university, 2 business and and 2 writing orgs. I hold leadership in one and officership in another aside from the aforementioned. My publication orgs have definitely allowed me to stay connected to my humanities roots, thankfully.
Outside uni, I’m writing for an international publication covering Asian media! It got me watching an NCT 127 concert in exchange for an article written by me. A core memory that’ll surely last me a while.
5. What is the closest you’ve been to a person you’ve only gotten to know better this year?
I don’t know what my thought process was when asking this question! But if I were to interpret it, I think I can definitely say I’ve been able to be physically present with more people this year, so that equates to closeness? Pandemic restrictions have eased, so it’s been easier to get around and hang out with people, and it’s been fun!
More deeply, though, I think I’ve been able to take steps towards deeper and more honest/earnest friendships, especially by having the raw and hard conversations I always used to (and still quite) fear.
Though, to be frank, I think social life is what I’ve had to set aside, only to realize that I shouldn’t be.
6. Have you found communities you could best grow in?
Again, I can’t recall what my headspace looked like for this question when I wrote it, but I’d like to say I did? Not in the ways I expected, and there’s always room for more, but I can say there are good people and energy everywhere I go!
7. What are you most proud of for this year?
As genuinely and humbly as possible, being able to do so much career- and passion-wise! I’ve written a lot this year about a lot of things I care deeply about for places that house my pieces really well! Career-wise (growth and marketing), I left a life-giving internship that left me with so many lessons I still carry and started taking on higher positions in my business cluster orgs, which is a surprising but welcome feat for my HUMSS roots.
I think I’ve also been able to practice healthier values, such as gratefulness, and I hope I’m not jinxing it, certainty and emotional maturity. I’m immensely blessed to be able to say I have so much of what I want and need, and while there’s still a long way to go, I’m doubting myself and the universe less, alongside trying to be more understanding and empathetic of things. But again, long way to go!
8. What has been the biggest change you’ve gone through this year?
I think I’m on the road to becoming more #antifragile. A lot of the work that I do involves the reception and production of feedback, and constructive criticism has become more embedded into my life. I used to be and still quite am sensitive about the receiving end in such a way that I’ll fixate on the “negative” feedback and associate that with my larger self, but I’m trying to avoid that now by allowing myself to be better after every point of improvement I work on, and it’s been keeping me sane(r than usual).
Also, put shortly, I’m growing to realize that a complete and happy life can depend a lot on how healthy and secure your relationships are. This is a change because I’ve always considered and still quite do consider myself as someone who can make those things secondary. Spoiler alert: you cannot.
9. Which new year’s goals and resolutions have you accomplished?
Writing more, committing less (internship-wise, I took a break to focus on org work, and I dropped things I knew I couldn’t make space for), using Twitter less (came naturally because of Musk’s incompetence, but Stan Twitter’s always home?), and learning more about marketing are some highlights! I can definitely still work on being more intentional with my commitments. No such thing as too much scheduling.
10. What have you let go of this year?
Not completely, but I think I’ve been letting go of the obsessive tendency to stick to a routine. I used to be scared of doing so because I thought I’d lose the habits I’ve been developing without a routine, but things come more naturally now.
Biggest example would be intermittent fasting, which I started doing in March! I’m still keeping at it, but I stopped using trackers because my body clock adjusted. Same goes for a lot of the opportunities I’ve taken for my professional growth. I used to want to pitch to publications or write on my newsletter monthly (still do for the latter), but I’ve found fulfillment in the sporadic to an extent!
11. What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned this 2022?
Having a problem doesn’t always mean being a problem. There are many moving parts in all the things we go through, and while self-improvement is always in order, having flaws and shortcomings doesn’t equate to being an insufficient individual!
12. What skills have you picked up this year?
Does building a higher tolerance for alcohol count?
Familial communication 😅 long way to go but with age comes an urge to try understanding 2 different age brackets and 3 different lives entirely.
13. What have been your favorite pieces of media in 2022?
Books
Melissa Broder’s Milk Fed is funny but not light at all. Trigger warnings for eating disorders, intrusive thoughts, and self-hatred XD but this was my favorite read of the year. Humorous (self-deprecating), sharp, and honest coming-of-age women’s fiction.
Elissa Sussman’s Funny You Should Ask. Revolves around a journalist whose big break was an in-depth profile of a celebrity she’s had the biggest crush on for forever. Something makes them cross paths again, and feelings are rekindled. A fun and substantial rom-com <3
Mary H.K. Choi’s Yolk is the heaviest of this collection. Trigger warnings for eating disorders, cancer/chronic illness, and complex (but not abusive) family dynamics. Is about two estranged sisters who need to rekindle due to debilitating sickness. Introspective, highly thought-provoking, and emotional. Funny, according to Google, but anticipate tears!
Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings is an essay collection about Asian-ness and its respective bouts. Lots of interesting insights, as the premise is the author tackling the notion that Asians are the least oppressed after white people, especially in America. Great cultural read, even if you’re not Asian-American. You’ll be left asking why and how white people have the absolute audacity?
Crush by Richard Siken was one of my last reads of the year, and it made my love for poetry grow exponentially. Words about yearning will always be my favorite. Its carnality makes it all the better.
Music
Jaehyun’s Forever Only is the 2000s R&B renaissance of my dreams. My top song on Spotify because I’ve been wanting a song with just his voice for forever (only HAHA). It was as perfect as I expected it to be, and it came a day before my birthday!
Sabrina Carpenter’s emails i can’t send went platinum on my phone, which is crazy because I was #TeamOlivia for 2021. Maturity is realizing that support for either is not mutually exclusive. Maturity is also realizing that the cheeky jokes for the Nonsense outro are great songwriting, and walking as Tornado Warnings plays lets you live in the coming-of-age romance movie with an ambiguous ending of your dreams for 3 minutes.
A group under ADOR, K-pop visionary Min Heejin’s brainchild, debuted NewJeans, a five-member girl group bringing music for easy listening back to K-pop through 2000s R&B and K-R&B influences. My favorite new-gen girl group alongside IVE.
Others
I’ve loved loved loved newsletters this year. Shout out to Mind Mine, my best find this year!
The first half of 2022 was meant for K-dramas, until Twenty-Five, Twenty-One shattered me with its ending. I do not care for “realistic,” I wanted first love to win!!! We consume media to escape. Still a great show, if you don’t watch the last 2 episodes.
14. Has there been a major change in your aspirations? If so, what?
Keeping this short: no! My aspirations stay the same especially since I’ve been able to deepen them.
15. What have you grown to love most this year?
Storytelling via marketing and writing!
This life of abundance, even when I downplay it.
16. Hate?
Business math…no need to elaborate!
Equating honesty to brutality
A good chunk of media and pop culture forms I won’t mention for my safety!
17. Are you still a K-pop stan?
Yes, but I think I’m spending less time on Twitter! I have, however, been keeping up with the new fourth generation girls! My parasocial sisters and nieces—I love seeing young women succeed.
18. Is Jaehyun still your ult of ults?
Yes, 100%. His success also feels like mine (fashion ambassadorship, drama release I still haven’t finished, a solo song, and more!) I’ve seen him live this year too. My favorite eternal hyperfixation <3
19. What’s the best part of 2022?
One word: abundance. It should be clear that this year was immensely blessed, and I’m eternally grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had and people I’ve met that I’ll be bringing along for 2023.
20. The worst?
Probably still feeling the need to control too much (a la Mastermind by Taylor Swift) when what I want (granted that it’s meant and good for me) finds its way to me eventually with the right amount of effort. I get so stressed trying to play puppeteer when I can get as much doing less of the scheming.
21. What has motivated you to keep going?
The state of being blessed with abundance, the feeling of fulfillment upon getting what I work for, and love for what comes to me!
22. Are you happy?
Yes :)
22 questions for 2022! I hope that this year brings us closer to normalcy and “real” living, whatever this may entail.
It did! Not without many major changes, of course.
Ensure that you prioritize quality over quantity, no matter how challenging this may be.
We’re getting there :>
Take care and live well this year, Ally. The year is yours for the taking.
It truly was!
Cheers,
Ally from January 1, 2022.
If 2022 was all about seeking lucidity or clarity amidst chaos in my life, 2023 will hopefully revolve around composure and moderation. As a fire sign (Leo stellium to be exact) and someone blessed with abundance, it’s easy to fall into overindulgence (and not the pretty kind I see on Gossip Girl) and accidentally incinerate things! This is not to say that flames need to be killed or things need to be completely given up. Simply, I want this year to be a year of management and upkeep: taming the flame lets it burn brightest at the best times. Moderation leaves you with abundance when you need it most.
That said, this year’s theme is sangfroid. A snazzy noun of French origins, it quite literally means cold-blooded (sang = blood, froid = cold). Not in the reptilian way, but in the cool way. Sangfroid is staying cool, even and especially under heated circumstances. Sangfroid can be a fire burning just enough to warm without scorching, despite having gasoline right around the corner. Sangfroid is letting go of the things that cannot be controlled to make more time and space for the things that can be.
The world’s only getting hotter—wouldn’t it be nice to keep our cool?
***
Wishing everyone a happy new year! May you always be closer to what and who you’re meant to be.